Birthdays have a way of dragging rare footage out of hiding.
The kind we can’t post, but can absolutely describe in troubling detail.
Roll the tape. 🎥🎞️
Predatory sounds pierce the air.
Beast-like grunts, each punctuated by a wet snap.
Hands working with methodical purpose, slick with glistening matter.
A loud slurp. The kind you hear once and never forget.
Is this a lost scene from Mindhunter?
Then you see him—Michael Boyd, locked in.
Seemingly oblivious to the relaxed restaurant setting, he dismantles the crab with grim, too-loud enjoyment.
The bib says “this is my nice shirt,” but the eyes say “interrogation gone wrong.”
Seconds later, it’s over.
The crustacean, gone.
The legend? It was already cemented. 🕺👑
Filmed by Kyla Boyd across the table, we can’t help wondering if this was the moment she decided date night could use a little more pedicure-and-pilates. We can’t be sure.
All we know is the Michael we know… 💌
Unreasonably likeable. An eye for growth so dangerous he might see the most optimistic version of yourself before you do. The guy everyone’s glad to see walk into a room—and not just because he brings the good wine. The proud dad, now court-side bellowing at an U8s basketball game near you.
And yes, occasionally, he behaves in a way that sparks an unspoken agreement among diners that no one makes eye contact with “that man”. Which, frankly, just makes him more interesting.
All our birthday love to you, Boydie! 🥳🦀🥂
